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The Top Nine Secrets To Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

By Nick Bastion / Vixen Daily

You want to make a long distance relationship work?

You’d better be willing to put in the effort.

Long distance relationships are exactly like normal relationships in every way – except the difficulty level is ratcheted up like one million times.

And it’s WAY easier to misunderstand each other.

And if you have any doubts about the relationship, they become totally magnified.

And temptation becomes much scarier and more in your face than ever.

OK, so maybe it’s not quite like a normal relationship.

But if you know what to do – you can make your long distance relationship work.

It’s not enough to just put in the effort. If you put in tons of effort but put it towards the wrong things, you could wind up worse off than when you started.

You’ve gotta know what you’re doing – and know where to put in the work – to make your long distance relationship thrive.

So in that vein, here are the top 9 secrets about making long distance relationships work. Follow these – and yours can go the distance.


1.    Get On The Same Page About Your Relationship

If you and your partner aren’t on the same page – your long distance relationship is doomed to fail before it even starts.

Before you go long distance, have an honest conversation with your partner about where things are at. What kind of relationship are you in? Is it exclusive, or open?

Are you expecting to stay together and be faithful to each other, or are you taking a break?

Getting on the same page now can save you massive amounts of heartbreak down the road. Don’t get blindsided – make sure you both want the same things.


2.    Set An End Date

If your long distance relationship is an open ended one, you’re going to have a bad time.

That’s because if there’s no hope on the horizon, no guarantee of “we will be living in the same place by this date”… then it becomes really hard to put in the effort day in and day out towards making your relationship work.

The point is – you’ve got to have a light at the end of the tunnel. You and your partner both. If you don’t have it, how can you expect to keep going every day?

At the BEGINNING of your long distance relationship, make a plan to live in the same place – and have a date that it’s going to happen by. Trust me on this one.


3.    Get Your Expectations Right

If you can’t tell – I’ve been trying to temper your expectations through this whole article. But if it hasn’t sunk in yet – let me reiterate right now.

Long distance relationships are hard. Things aren’t going to work perfectly. You’re going to misunderstand each other, miss each other, doubt each other, and go too long without talking.

These aren’t hazards of long distance relationships – they’re certainties.

However – if you know that going in, keep your mind open, and roll with the punches, you put yourself in a MUCH better position of surviving all those obstacles.

Remember, you and your partner are in this together, and it’s up to each of you to support each other and pick each other up when you’re feeling down.


4.    Stay Positive!

Being in a long distance relationship is hard enough without a negative attitude weighing both of you down and turning meaningless misunderstandings into relationship ending fights.

If you’ve got a negative attitude about your chances, or about the relationship, or the situation, or life in general – it’s going to make being in a long distance relationship 1000 times harder.

And, since we’ve already established that long distance relationships are 10000 times harder than normal relationships (very scientific number), that means that you’re setting the difficulty WAY too high.

Try to focus on the positives of being in a long distance relationship. You get to have your own space – which is great if you need space to feel OK in a relationship. You’ll miss each other – but that will make it even more special when you do get together.

And you’ll get even better at talking and communicating with each other because you’ll have to solve misunderstandings and disagreements without being in the same room. By the time you DO get together, you’ll be amazing at communicating with each other.


5.    Make It As Normal As Possible

Being in a relationship should feel like a normal, predictable part of your day – not something you have to go out of your way to do.

So if it feels like you have to make an extra effort to keep in contact with each other, or to make time to talk to each other – you’re starting off by shooting yourself in the foot.

If you want any hope of your long distance relationship staying together, it HAS to feel like a “normal” relationship. And that means that staying in touch and talking to each other has to feel like a “normal” part of your day – not an extra part.

A great way to make sure that happens is to talk to each other and find out how you best like to communicate. Does he hate talking on the phone? Does he hate skype because it messes up his computer and always drops out? Is he a google chat fiend?

Whatever it is – find out which method of communication you both like best – and then compare schedules. Find a time that works for both of you, then create a routine where you always talk to each other at that time – and STICK TO IT.


6.    Don’t Forget The Little Things

In any relationship, you know what most of the day to day conversations are about?

They’re not about big, sweeping revelations. They’re not about epiphanies. They’re not about baring your souls to each other and discovering what REALLY matters in life.

They’re about boring stuff. Like the weather. Or what happened at work. Or who’s sleeping with who. (OK, maybe that last one isn’t so boring).

There’s a temptation in long distance relationships of trying to make every conversation MEAN SOMETHING, like if you don’t have a deep conversation every time you talk your relationship is going to fall apart.

BS. Every relationship needs its cotton candy fluffy talk about nothing, long distance relationships included. Don’t worry if all you talk about is what happened at work or what the weather is like – that’s par for the course in any relationship.


7.    Visit, Visit, Visit.

This is pretty much the most important thing you can do in a long distance relationship, which is why I put it all the way down at #7. Sue me.

Visiting each other is so hugely important that even the best, most devoted long distance relationship would fall apart without it.

That’s because even if you’re both AMAZING at communicating with each other – that’s no replacement for actually seeing each other in person. After all, if personal, intimate, face to face contact weren’t so important, long distance relationships would be easy.

So make sure to take advantage of every chance you have to see each other. At the end of each visit, already have the next visit planned, so you always have something to look forward to.


8.    Stay Grounded

In someone’s absence, it’s really easy to start idealizing them and thinking of them more fondly in your heart than you normally would. (There’s an expression about this, but I can’t remember how it goes).

This is a major hidden pitfall of long distance relationships. If you’ve been apart for a month, and the whole time you’ve been thinking about what an amazing, incredible guy he is – he’s never going to be able to stand up to your expectations when you DO meet up with each other.

So stay grounded. The best way to counter the temptation to idealize him is to communicate with him, often and regularly, about normal, everyday stuff. If you hear about how stinky he was at work, it’ll stop you from thinking about him as the greatest man alive.


9.    Trust Each Other

Without trust, any long distance relationship is going to fall apart. It’s just too damn hard.

After all, if you don’t trust each other, why are you even dating each other anyway?

The point is – all of the pitfalls of a normal relationship, like temptation, or misunderstandings, or fights, get magnified in a long distance relationship, because you can’t be in the same room with each other to solve problems.

And if you don’t trust each other on TOP of all of that? You’re in for a world of hurt.

So before you get into a long distance relationship, make SURE you trust each other. If you don’t – maybe it’s better to take a break and see if you wind up in the same place in the future. You’d be saving yourself lots of heartbreak.

Vixen is the only site out there that specializes in mind-reading quizzes, content and advice tailored to your particular needs.  It’s like having your own personal mentor guiding you through life’s challenges every step of the way!

It was founded by dating and relationship expert, Nick Bastion, who is the main contributor to the Love & Relationship Advice section of the site.

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